


i'll never be your snow covered lover

by calamaridenki



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Endings, Light Angst, M/M, ZoSan Advent Calendar 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 11:37:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13166127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calamaridenki/pseuds/calamaridenki
Summary: The idea turns him cold, colder than the wind pushing against his window pane, and denial churns deep and slow within the depths of his gut.





	i'll never be your snow covered lover

**Author's Note:**

> written for the zosan advent calendar hosted by [ dailyzosan ](http://dailyzosan.tumblr.com) and i had day 27!

It’s snowing when he realizes that it’s the end.

And he wishes he was talking about the way it usually ends for them, with him walking out and Zoro giving chase. But, the way Zoro’s looking at him, and holding him like fine porcelain, it feels as if there’s not going to be a chance to chase and to temporarily mend. He hates how it feels like the last time, because in his mind, he thinks that it _can’t_ be the last time. He can’t really imagine a life without Zoro, so the idea of being with him, being this close and having it be the last time doesn’t sit too well with him. It turns him cold, colder than the wind pushing against his window pane, and denial churns deep and slow within the depths of his gut. 

He tries to stay blinded by it, he truly does, but it’s hard for him to misinterpret the way Zoro’s fucking him face to face, large hand wrapped around his chin, effectively preventing him from looking away, keeping him from focusing on anything else other than the feeling of Zoro sliding in and out of him perfectly and the melancholy gleam in his eye. It feels as if Zoro’s trying to bask in the feeling of Sanji squeezing around him one last time, committing every one of his facial ticks to his memory, and it’s so sweet, it’s too sweet for the likes of him and it makes him want to cry, and he _does_ feel his eyes prick because now, now everything’s slowly starting to become more final. He breathes out as he feels Zoro bite down on his ear, dragging his hand down Sanji’s throat and he shivers at the way the callouses drag against his skin. It can’t be final because Zoro’s going to come back, he always comes back and he knows he just has to keep that reminder alive in his heart and trust that they’ll come together once more.

 _He’ll come back_ , he thinks as he gives a barely noticeable roll of his hips, trying to remember the way Zoro sounds as he cries out at the feeling of Sanji shifting underneath him. _He’ll come back to you_ , he thinks as Zoro wraps his other hand around Sanji’s thigh, pushing his leg closer and closer to his chest, until he can feel a slightly uncomfortable burn in his muscles, until it feels like Zoro’s dick is at the very core of his body. _He has to come back_ , he thinks as the golden light from the setting sun hits Zoro’s earrings and skin, making him look warm and like everything Sanji could ever hope to have. 

And see, the thing is, he knows Zoro never promised him forever. He never promised Sanji a white picket fence, two and a half kids and a fucking dog, so it should be easy for him to forget Zoro, but it’s so goddamn hard given the way Zoro’s become completely entwined in his life despite his best efforts. He thought they had something in the way it’s hard for them to both express themselves properly, in the way it’s hard for them to have a traditional and conventional relationship. Because their personalities clash, he’s stubborn and Zoro is headstrong, and they do fight ( _with his legs lashing out to hurt the way he can’t get his words to, the way he hurts, with Zoro effortlessly blocking out Sanji’s frustrations, concerns, hurt_ ) and they absolutely fuck ( _with him digging his fingertips into the bruises that kiss Zoro’s arms, with Zoro leaving just as many bruises on Sanji’s neck with his mouth and teeth_ ). And he knows they aren’t soulmates by any stretch, hell, their constant bickering turned from something hostile into something resembling foreplay. He knows he should’ve been prepared for this, should’ve been more careful, but he’s not prepared at all. Because despite all of his issues, _their_ issues, he fell in love, hopelessly in love; and now that it’s over, now that it’s really fucking over apparently, it feels as if his chest is about to cave in from grief. He doesn’t want to go back to his solitary life without Zoro, and it just, it _hurts_. 

It hurts knowing that he may not be able to see Zoro’s slack jawed face in the morning when he wakes up for work, when it’s easy for him to drag his fingertips across the tops of Zoro’s cheekbones and scar and marvel at how imperfectly beautiful he is with the overcast from the dreary sky hitting all of the contours of his face. It hurts knowing that he won’t be able to witness the way Zoro’s nose pinks and runs when he’s outside shoveling Sanji’s driveway under the guise that he’s simply stronger than Sanji, and not because he doesn’t want Sanji to hurt his hands. It hurts knowing that he’s going to have to forget the way Zoro’s chest scar feels under his hands when he rides Zoro nice and slow by the cracking fireplace just the way they like, bodies slowly shedding the chill that’s permeated them from the outside. And it’s downright _painful_ knowing that he won’t be able to find someone that challenges him, betters him, supports him in all the ways that Zoro does because even though it’s far from easy, it’s irrevocably _them_ , and it works. Zoro completely grounds him in a way that’s he’s never experienced with anyone else, and he doesn’t know what he’ll do when they’re no longer one. 

He tries to push the pain to the side, and tries to focus instead of the here and the way Zoro is trailing his lips down his neck and speeding up the thrust of his hips. It feels good, it feels _great_ , it always does. Zoro’s never been a selfish lover; he’s taken the time to map out every single inch of Sanji’s body and managed to fine tune it to respond to his slightest touch and Sanji feels that now as the hand that was wrapped around his throat slowly slides down between their bodies to grasp at his dick, and he’s helpless to do anything other than surrender to Zoro’s calloused touch as they both fall over the edge.

The suffocating weight of loss settles in his bones as he comes back to himself. He can’t stop emotion from welling up and tipping over; he tries to choke back his cries because he’ll be damned if he lets Zoro see him cry after it’s all said and done. But, like all of his efforts it seems, it’s futile. Tears streak his cheeks as his face gets cradled in too big hands; and when Zoro presses their foreheads together, he closes his eyes and wishes he could turn back time. He would go back to last winter, back to when he didn’t know Zoro, back to when he was just Luffy’s nameless, stoic friend brooding by the Christmas tree. He regrets letting him in, regrets placing half of his soul on a silver platter just for Zoro, if only because he knows it’s going to be damn hard for him to reclaim that part of himself. He doesn’t think he’ll be whole for a while. 

As Zoro releases his face and collapses on top of him, he turns his head to the side to look outside of his bedroom window, pillow catching any of his stray tears. The sun has set now; the snow is falling even heavier and collecting on the outside sill and ground, thick and cold, much like the ache that’s resounding through his soul, refusing to leave. He doesn’t know if this is the end, but if it is, if this is his last night with Zoro, he knows he has to shake the chill off of himself.

He listens to Zoro’s breathing slow down against his neck, skin prickling from the heat of his breath and chill of his earrings, and thinks about how he never really liked the snow much anyhow. 

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://stndhal.tumblr.com) [commissions](https://stndhal.tumblr.com/post/174823391235/writing-commissions-are-open)


End file.
